Jewish Marriage: Kiddushin, Nissuin, and the Wedding Ceremony

Two Stages, One Sanctity

Jewish marriage is not a single act but a process with two distinct halakhic stages: kiddushin (betrothal/sanctification) and nissuin (nuptials/marriage). In ancient times, these stages were separated by up to a year. Today, they are performed together during the wedding ceremony, but the distinction remains legally and theologically significant.

The word kiddushin comes from the root kadosh — holy. Marriage in Judaism is an act of sanctification: two people set themselves apart for each other, creating a relationship that is governed by halakha and infused with kedushah (holiness).

Kiddushin: Betrothal

The Three Methods

The Talmud (Kiddushin 2a) identifies three methods by which kiddushin can be effected:

1. Kesef (money): The groom gives the bride an object of value — traditionally a ring — in the presence of two witnesses, and declares: “Harei at mekudeshet li b’taba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Yisrael” — “Behold, you are sanctified to me with this ring according to the law of Moses and Israel.”

2. Shtar (document): A written document of betrothal is given to the bride.

3. Bi’ah (cohabitation): The couple enters into an intimate relationship with the intention of marriage.

In practice, the universal custom is to use the ring method (kesef). The ring must belong to the groom, be made of solid metal (traditionally plain gold, without gemstones — so its value is clear and undisputed), and be given in the presence of two valid witnesses.

The Bride’s Acceptance

The bride’s acceptance of the ring — she extends her finger and allows the groom to place it there — constitutes her consent to the marriage. Without her willing acceptance, the kiddushin is invalid. Jewish law requires the full consent of both parties.

Nissuin: The Nuptials

Under the Chuppah

The second stage, nissuin, is effected by the couple entering the chuppah — the wedding canopy. The chuppah symbolizes the home they will build together. Standing beneath it, surrounded by family and community, the couple completes the transition from betrothed to married.

The chuppah itself can be simple or elaborate — a tallit (prayer shawl) held aloft by four poles, a decorated frame with a cloth covering, or a floral canopy. What matters halakhically is that it represents a covering under which the couple stands together.

Sheva Berakhot: The Seven Blessings

The heart of the nissuin ceremony is the recitation of Sheva Berakhot (Seven Blessings) over a cup of wine:

1. Blessing over the wine
2. Praise of God who created everything for His glory
3. Praise of God who fashioned the human being
4. Praise of God who created the human in His image
5. A prayer for the joy of Zion and the ingathering of her children
6. A prayer for the joy of the couple — “gladden the beloved companions as You gladdened Your creation in the Garden of Eden”
7. Praise of God who created joy and gladness, groom and bride, mirth, song, delight, love, brotherhood, peace, and friendship

These blessings move from the universal (creation) to the particular (this couple), placing the wedding in the context of all of human history — from Eden to the messianic future.

The Wedding Ceremony: Step by Step

Before the Ceremony

• Ketubah signing: The marriage contract is signed by the groom, read aloud, and witnessed
• Bedeken (veiling): The groom places the veil over the bride’s face — recalling the biblical story of Jacob, who was deceived into marrying the veiled Leah instead of Rachel
• Kinyan: The groom formally accepts the obligations of the ketubah

Under the Chuppah

1. Processional: The couple is escorted to the chuppah, traditionally by their parents
2. Circling: In Ashkenazi custom, the bride circles the groom (seven times, three times, or once, depending on community tradition)
3. First cup of wine: A blessing is recited, and the couple drinks
4. Kiddushin: The groom places the ring on the bride’s finger with the declaration
5. Ketubah reading: The ketubah is read aloud (in Aramaic and often in English translation)
6. Sheva Berakhot: The seven blessings are recited over a second cup of wine
7. Breaking the glass: The groom steps on a glass, shattering it — traditionally in memory of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem. The crowd shouts “Mazel tov!”

After the Ceremony

• Yichud: The couple spends a few minutes alone together in a private room — symbolizing their new status as husband and wife
• Celebration: The festive meal (seudah) and dancing follow

Halakhic Details

Who Can Marry

Jewish marriage law specifies which unions are permitted and which are prohibited. Basic requirements include:

• Both parties must be Jewish (for a halakhically valid kiddushin)
• Both must be of legal age (traditionally 12 for girls, 13 for boys, though in practice modern couples are adults)
• Neither may be currently married to someone else
• Certain family relationships are prohibited (as outlined in Leviticus 18)

Witnesses

Two valid witnesses are essential. According to Orthodox law, witnesses must be Jewish men who are not related to the couple or to each other and who are Shabbat-observant. Egalitarian movements expand witness eligibility to include women and non-Orthodox Jews.

The Status of the Ring

The ring must have a clear, known value and must be the groom’s property to give. Borrowed or loaned rings are problematic. The traditional plain gold band — without gems — ensures that the bride sees exactly what she is accepting and is not deceived about its value.

The Joy of Marriage

The Talmud describes the obligation to gladden the bride and groom as one of the great mitzvot. The festive dancing, singing, and celebrating at a Jewish wedding are not merely social customs — they are religious acts. The community participates in the couple’s joy as an expression of love, solidarity, and hope.

The seven days following the wedding — the Sheva Berakhot period — extend the celebration. At each festive meal during this week, the seven blessings are recited again (provided there is a panim chadashos — a new guest who was not present at the wedding or a previous meal).

Frequently Asked Questions

Why does only the groom give the ring in a traditional ceremony? In traditional halakha, kiddushin is effected by the groom’s act of giving and the bride’s act of accepting. This is a legal mechanism, not a statement about equality. In egalitarian ceremonies (common in Reform and Conservative movements), the bride also gives the groom a ring and may recite a reciprocal declaration. Orthodox ceremonies maintain the traditional one-ring format for halakhic precision.

What is the difference between kiddushin and a secular marriage? Kiddushin creates a bond governed by Torah law. It requires specific witnesses, a declaration, and can only be dissolved through a halakhic divorce (a get). A secular marriage has no standing in halakha, and a halakhic marriage has no automatic standing in secular law — which is why Jewish couples in many countries have both a civil and a religious ceremony.

Why is the glass broken at the end of the ceremony? The most widely cited reason is to remember the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem — even at the height of personal joy, Jews recall national tragedy. Other interpretations suggest it symbolizes the fragility of human relationships, the irreversibility of the commitment being made, or the breaking of barriers between the couple and their new life together.